Dear Old Guys at bars

Dear Old Guys at Bars,

I get that you might be lonely or bored or whatever so I don't want to discourage you from being social but I do have some concerns. Well not concerns, more like a few suggestions. One would be that girl who is the same age as your daughter will never in her life hook up with you and if she does it is only because she has daddy issues which will require you to pay for all her bills then when she is out of debt she will . I know Hugh Hefner has given you hope that young girls can really fall in love with super old dudes but you need to realize he is the exception. The rule is young girls do not and will not go home with you. They will take the free drinks you offer and maybe a little conversation but aside from that you should expect nothing else. Realize after you buy a drink you can talk for a little bit then you should leave unless invited to stay. I'm not being mean but do not think rubbing on a girls shoulder or continuing to keep the free drinks coming will increase you chances. There is not enough alcohol in the world for me to go home with somebody with a cane. Hugh Hefner has huge amounts of money and throws amazing parties, still I cringe at the thought of hooking up with him. All those girls saying they seriously want to marry him are delusional and oppurtunists. So old guys at bars please know what boundaries are and please add ten years to your youngest daughters age before even thinking about trying to hit on anyone because thats just not right.
Later,
AFon