Dear Halloween

Dear Halloween,
Since you are officially in my top ten favorite holidays I am happy your are almost here. I miss the days of hitting at least three neighborhoods with my sisters to get as much candy as we possibly could then spending the rest of our night sorting it. Now the only thing better then going out and drinking with friends is doing it in costume. Apparently Savannah, GA is a haunted town so the possibilities are endless when it comes to haunted houses or ghost tours. Might check out the famous cemetery they have here too. Now since I can't exactly spend very much this year on a costume I might end up recycling which is fine as long as I do get to celebrate. I can't wait to see what the popular costumes are this year my guesses would be Lady Gaga, Jersey Shore cast members, Justin Bieber, and maybe some Avatar characters. I am so excited to see what people dress up as! Hopefully girls remember classy not trashy there is a huge difference between the two.
October 31st here I come,
AFon

Dear Wal-Mart

Dear Wal-Mart,

Hey! Things seem to be going pretty well for you and your plan to take over the retail business. I mean seriously after you become the only retailer because you bankrupted all the other similar retailers what are you going to do next? Is your plan to buy small towns then paint them blue and yellow while making every business have Wal-Mart in the title? I have tried to forgive you for coming out with the stupid four dollar list for drugs because you likely set back the prescription drug industry about 30 years. By drawing consumers in with the promise of cheap drugs just to get them into your stores to shop is kind of shady. Truth is you made the four dollar list because you can afford to lose money on drugs to get people into your stores then when all your competition goes bankrupt because they can't offer the same prices you can then you will get rid of the list and start charging ridiculous prices. You call yourself a Christian company yet you come off as a greedy bully with the mission of being the only company around. Your not the only company out there that wants profits over all other costs but I am just saying with great power comes great responsibility. So do I love your low prices yes, but do I feel a little bad every time I shop your store yes.
Still not fully trusting you.....,
AFon

Dear Kanye West

Dear Kanye West,
   I own three of the four cd's that you have released and as a musician you are talented. I have songs of yours on my workout mix and my sleep mix. I have no problem saying I like your music because I actually do. Now since I don't know you personally I can't comment on who you are as a person but I can comment on the public perception of you. So after your actions and comments have been filtered by the media the perception I get is that your creative, smart, materialistic, confident, self-conscious, cocky, and rude. Those would be some of the words I would pick to describe you because honestly you have this weird pattern of being likable then purposely looking for enemies. It's cool to be controversial but when you do it on a regular basis purposefully it starts to come off as a bit desperate. Desperate for what I don't know, maybe you like negative attention or you enjoy the bad guy do whatever you want image. The whole new album cover controversy reminds me of when a kid does something they know is bad even after their parents tell them not to do it just to see what happens to them.You had to of known that album cover was not going to fly, seriously its really kind of ugly. I get your already super successful so you don't actually need new fans or whatever but why are you handicapping the music? Is the album cover really worth keeping the music you worked so hard on away from people, I don't think it is mostly because ignoring the suppose ed demonic references the cover is not anything special, it is only memorable because of what it is depicting. I'm not trying to stifle you creativity but goodness stop doing things just to say you did them, nothing is more annoying then a person who makes things into bigger deals then they had to be.
Just some thoughts,
Afon

See the banned album cover

Dear Ed Hardy

Dear Ed Hardy,
   Some trends stick around longer then others which is a result of everyone having the right to their own taste. I have tried to be patient with you but for some reason you are sticking harder then super glue. Why do people still think your t-shirts or designs make them look cool? I don't get it, first you were loved by celebrities then you switched to the reality tv fist pumping population. Somebody has to clothe the cast of Jersey Shore but that somebody doesn't have to be you. Besides I am sure the Situation would rather not wear clothes, without your shirts he no longer has to waste time pulling his shirt up to show off his abs. I am really trying to do what is best for everybody. Whenever I see one of your shirts it actually hurts my eyes and makes me wonder when will you retire along with your friends parachute pants, feathered bangs, Doc Martin sandals that weighed two pounds, and JNCO's. I have a feeling you and JNCO's would get along quite well. Don't take this too harshly everyone has to retire someday I am just hoping for you that someday is today.
Retirement parties are fun,
AFon

Dear Weekends

Dear Weekends,
   You know when people tell you their your favorite and you smile but it doesn't mean much because they probably tell everybody that? Well right now I am telling you that your my favorite time of the week and I promise I am not saying that to any of the other days of the week. You can take that statement as a declaration of my love for you! I really don't think any of the other days can compete anywhere near your level of coolness. Not only do you suggest late nights with friends or strangers you promote it which makes me feel guilty when I don't participate in all the events you bring. Your motto is work less-play more and I promise you I take that motto to heart every time you come around.
   It must be hard being everybody's favorite, I mean are all the other days of the week mean to you? When they can't beat you or join you the next thing they do is try to bring you down. Don't let them get to you because trust me they got nothing. Mondays almost always involve early mornings full of work and homework. Tuesdays are one day closer to you but still far away with very few drink specials. Then there are Wednesdays which are the halfway point, other then that they really have nothing going for them. Now Thursdays would be the only possibly day that could give you some competition. Thirsty Thursdays are starting to steal some of your shine, they come earlier then you do and in some situations that is a benefit. But don't you worry you will always be number one. But you want to know a good way for you to be even better?! You need to adopt Thursday and make it the start of you because together you guys would make the world a better place.
Think about it,
AFon

Dear Internet/Texting language

Dear Internet/Texting language,
    You might be singlehandedly ruining the English language. Ok, I can not place all the blame on you but I have to tell you that you're not helping us out any. I am a social network whore and I am pretty sure that without auto correct to check my spelling sometimes I wonder if I would be able to spell?Gasp! I don't want to say it's laziness but I am leaning towards that as the culprit. I don't think changing the spelling of words on purpose helps any either, Chingy please stop spelling there thurr it was ok back in the day but now I'm starting to wonder if you know how to spell. It is getting to the point where sometimes it takes me five times re-reading something to decipher it, which is bad when English is my first and only language.
   Another issue I wanted to bring up is the shorthand, I'm talking about the lol's and the lmao's. Where are these shorthands coming from because I'm totally out of the loop on some of these. I had to ask two of my friends then consult the all knowing internet to figure out what smh meant because I saw it used 20 times a day on Twitter and Facebook. Both of the people I asked had no idea what it stood for either. Thank you for letting me know your head is shaking because that changes everything and it makes me understand your comment so much better. Can there be some limits to this craziness because I have a feeling ill need NetLingo to make an app for my phone so I can decipher what people are trying to tell me. I want you to know I don't think your mission was change the path of the English language but it is not a good sign when people use lol when they are talking in person. Thats sooo weird and in a way creepy because that means you are communicating by texting or the internet more often then you are talking to real live actual people. I don't think any of this is news to you so consider this letter just a little note pointing out some issues that could be problems in the future.
TAIHTTYRN,
(That's All I Have To Tell You Right Now)
AFon

Dear M. Night Shyamalan

Dear M. Night Shyamalan,
    Where to begin.......I don't know how to say this delicately but I have a little problem with some of your movies. I feel as if your previews are always setting me up for disappointment that will likely be followed by anger. After watching your movies I feel deceived by the preview because the movie is always about something totally different and not in a good way. Yes movies should have twists but they shouldn't be stupid ones. Let's discuss your preview for DEVIL which looked scary yet interesting, the preview alone made me want to see it but something stopped me. You want to know what stopped me from wanting going to see DEVIL? The fact you always put your name in front of every one of your freaking previews! You want people to see your movies DO NOT advertise that the movie is by you. People will unknowingly fall for your previews because they always look good and then they'll actually see the movie because they won't know until after it that it was by you. I suggest you move the posting of your name from the beginning of previews to the end of your movies then by the time people realize you tricked them again they already paid the ten dollars to see it so you win. 
   I am just saying the the formula that worked so well for you on The Sixth Sense, where we got a movie changing shock at the end, does not always work. It only works it the shock makes sense, the end to The Village made me want to ask for my money back because it was stupid. I actually think it belongs on the list of top ten worst movie endings. Ever since The Village I can't bring myself to see one of your movies because I just know at the end something really dumb is going to happen like I'm sure DEVIL ends with the characters out having a drink because they really shooting a Halloween commercial for a theme park or something ridiculous like that. You want to really shock everybody have the end of your next movie just end logically, now that will totally throw people off. But on a happy note The Sixth Sense is an amazing movie!
Someday i'll give you another chance until then,
AFon