Dear Time

Dear Time,
Is it just me or are you moving a little fast? It might just be me but I feel as if you are moving at the speed of light. It is weird to think I have been around for 24 years, seriously that is a long freaking time and in some ways it isn't. I mean I have met people, seen things, and gone places in those years that I will never forget. But on the other hand I have lost people, missed things, and haven't figured out how to be in two places at once yet. Is there some secret way to manage you that other people have figured out but I'm missing? I mean really I need to know this secret before it is to late for me to do anything about it, looking back I can't shake the feeling that I don't have enough of you. It seems you have all the power, you never stop not even for moment to let us collect our thoughts. You also have a bad habit of stretching out the bad moments while shortening the good ones. Is it too much to ask for you to add a few extra minutes to those times we forget you exist until were reminded by something random like the sun or our alarm clock. As the new year is quickly approaching it is making me question whether I am wasting you, I feel as if I could've accomplished more within the years you have given me so far. Am I being greedy? I'm being greedy aren't I, sorry there is just so many things that I need to do and see. I am writing you this letter to ask you if you could slow down, even if you can only do it for a little bit I would greatly appreciate it and I have a feeling a few other people wouldn't mind it either.
A girl scared by the clock,
AFon

Dear YouTube

Dear YouTube,
I love concerts. I love music and I love to go to concerts any chance I get.Unfortunately I have hit a concert dry spell in recent years, that is where you come in. You are pretty much my go to place to watch concert clips. I have watched bands perform in radio stations, acoustically, in a stairwell and really just about anywhere a video camera can go. The concept of you site is amazingly cool and the content is umm well lets describe it as special. Isn't special the word you use to describe things you like but dislike at the same time and only use when you have too? I put you in the special category because you have a small issue with standards. Your small issue would be that you don't have any, you accept any dang video anybody wants to put on you. I mean would it be possible for you to deny a few dumb/pointless/stupid videos that should not have been made in the first place? Please stop anybody from posting a video with random pictures of an artist put to the artists music or a video with lyrics rolling while the song plays, I mean why would I want to watch that? Then there are the weird videos with pictures of a famous person set to music that I still haven't figured out the point too. If you had a filter it would save people from being tricked, its fine if people want to post stupid videos but I would rather not watch them which is hard when they post using fake screen images and titles that lie. This letter was meant to provide you with constructive criticism so that you can grow as a website and hopefully provide you with some ideas to consider.
Just a helpful patron,
AFon

Dear Grey's Anatomy

Dear Grey's Anatomy,

I have never had the real life therapy with an actual therapist so I assume they listen to you for awhile then give you helpful ways to solve your problems. Well since I don't have a therapist and I definitely can't afford one I have many personal therapies that work for me. Some of my favorites would be the great problem solver which is alcohol/bar therapy (love that one), there is the good old music therapy, there is the family/friend therapy, the personal "me" time therapy, and there is Grey's Anatomy therapy. I truly believe any problem can be addressed/solved by watching an episode of you!!! If I find myself with relationship issues like maybe I'm dating a hot brain surgeon to only find out he is married I would watch season one or if I find myself needing guidance because my dad has become a raging alcoholic I could tune into season four. Who needs a therapist when you could learn from all the mistakes your characters make and then seemingly turn out ok. Also there are your spot on quotations, have you thought about having a twitter account because I feel as if it would help spread your wisdom. I mean between you and  Tyrese there would be no need for therapists or motivational speakers. Think about it, it might be hard to get your thoughts  into 140 characters but  I think you can handle that. Now that you know I'm a fan I really don't have anything bad to say, I mean I wouldn't be mad if you kept the Derrick and Meredith relationship stable for awhile or if you had Christina be happy for an episode or two. Other then those minor suggestions I would say this letter is more of a thank you letter, I wanted to say keep up the good work.
Your awesome,
AFon

 Quotes

Meredith Grey:" At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That's how we're made. So, you can waste your lives drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines... that are way too dangerous to cross." 

Meredith:Sometimes the past is something you just can't let go of. And sometimes the past is something we'll do anything to forget. And sometimes we learn something new about the past that changes everything we know about the present.

Derek: "Yes or no. In or out. Up or down. Live or die. Hero or coward. Fight or give in. I’ll say it again to make sure you hear me. The human life is made up of choices. Live or die. That’s the most important choice. And it’s not always in our hands."

Meredith: "We spend our whole lives worrying about the future, planning for the future, trying to predict the future, as if figuring it out will cushion the blow. But the future is always changing. The future is the home of our deepest fears and wildest hopes. But one thing is certain when it finally reveals itself. The future is never the way we imagined it."

Dear MTV

Dear MTV,
I get that you have to grow with the times but whoever said all growth is not good growth was right. Somewhere between being the go to music channel and the go to reality show channel you forgot the one thing you are supposed to be based on, MUSIC! Right now it seems like 90 percent of your programming is reality shows that are in no way related to music. Pretty sure when you got rid of TRL you got rid of the one thing that was related to music. Your secondary channel MTV2 plays more music related content in one day then you play in one week. I have a few ideas for you bring back TRL, your new show The Seven can stay, add a morning talk show that is in the View format geared toward your younger demographic, limit yourself to two reality shows a day preferably music related ones, bring back the show Diary pretty please, on Monday or Tuesday nights have a show geared toward new album releases including live performances, and really add any show that is about music!!!! Also can you stop replaying everything 30 times if you need time filler play music videos.
Music fan for life,
AFon

Dear Halloween

Dear Halloween,
Since you are officially in my top ten favorite holidays I am happy your are almost here. I miss the days of hitting at least three neighborhoods with my sisters to get as much candy as we possibly could then spending the rest of our night sorting it. Now the only thing better then going out and drinking with friends is doing it in costume. Apparently Savannah, GA is a haunted town so the possibilities are endless when it comes to haunted houses or ghost tours. Might check out the famous cemetery they have here too. Now since I can't exactly spend very much this year on a costume I might end up recycling which is fine as long as I do get to celebrate. I can't wait to see what the popular costumes are this year my guesses would be Lady Gaga, Jersey Shore cast members, Justin Bieber, and maybe some Avatar characters. I am so excited to see what people dress up as! Hopefully girls remember classy not trashy there is a huge difference between the two.
October 31st here I come,
AFon

Dear Wal-Mart

Dear Wal-Mart,

Hey! Things seem to be going pretty well for you and your plan to take over the retail business. I mean seriously after you become the only retailer because you bankrupted all the other similar retailers what are you going to do next? Is your plan to buy small towns then paint them blue and yellow while making every business have Wal-Mart in the title? I have tried to forgive you for coming out with the stupid four dollar list for drugs because you likely set back the prescription drug industry about 30 years. By drawing consumers in with the promise of cheap drugs just to get them into your stores to shop is kind of shady. Truth is you made the four dollar list because you can afford to lose money on drugs to get people into your stores then when all your competition goes bankrupt because they can't offer the same prices you can then you will get rid of the list and start charging ridiculous prices. You call yourself a Christian company yet you come off as a greedy bully with the mission of being the only company around. Your not the only company out there that wants profits over all other costs but I am just saying with great power comes great responsibility. So do I love your low prices yes, but do I feel a little bad every time I shop your store yes.
Still not fully trusting you.....,
AFon

Dear Kanye West

Dear Kanye West,
   I own three of the four cd's that you have released and as a musician you are talented. I have songs of yours on my workout mix and my sleep mix. I have no problem saying I like your music because I actually do. Now since I don't know you personally I can't comment on who you are as a person but I can comment on the public perception of you. So after your actions and comments have been filtered by the media the perception I get is that your creative, smart, materialistic, confident, self-conscious, cocky, and rude. Those would be some of the words I would pick to describe you because honestly you have this weird pattern of being likable then purposely looking for enemies. It's cool to be controversial but when you do it on a regular basis purposefully it starts to come off as a bit desperate. Desperate for what I don't know, maybe you like negative attention or you enjoy the bad guy do whatever you want image. The whole new album cover controversy reminds me of when a kid does something they know is bad even after their parents tell them not to do it just to see what happens to them.You had to of known that album cover was not going to fly, seriously its really kind of ugly. I get your already super successful so you don't actually need new fans or whatever but why are you handicapping the music? Is the album cover really worth keeping the music you worked so hard on away from people, I don't think it is mostly because ignoring the suppose ed demonic references the cover is not anything special, it is only memorable because of what it is depicting. I'm not trying to stifle you creativity but goodness stop doing things just to say you did them, nothing is more annoying then a person who makes things into bigger deals then they had to be.
Just some thoughts,
Afon

See the banned album cover

Dear Ed Hardy

Dear Ed Hardy,
   Some trends stick around longer then others which is a result of everyone having the right to their own taste. I have tried to be patient with you but for some reason you are sticking harder then super glue. Why do people still think your t-shirts or designs make them look cool? I don't get it, first you were loved by celebrities then you switched to the reality tv fist pumping population. Somebody has to clothe the cast of Jersey Shore but that somebody doesn't have to be you. Besides I am sure the Situation would rather not wear clothes, without your shirts he no longer has to waste time pulling his shirt up to show off his abs. I am really trying to do what is best for everybody. Whenever I see one of your shirts it actually hurts my eyes and makes me wonder when will you retire along with your friends parachute pants, feathered bangs, Doc Martin sandals that weighed two pounds, and JNCO's. I have a feeling you and JNCO's would get along quite well. Don't take this too harshly everyone has to retire someday I am just hoping for you that someday is today.
Retirement parties are fun,
AFon

Dear Weekends

Dear Weekends,
   You know when people tell you their your favorite and you smile but it doesn't mean much because they probably tell everybody that? Well right now I am telling you that your my favorite time of the week and I promise I am not saying that to any of the other days of the week. You can take that statement as a declaration of my love for you! I really don't think any of the other days can compete anywhere near your level of coolness. Not only do you suggest late nights with friends or strangers you promote it which makes me feel guilty when I don't participate in all the events you bring. Your motto is work less-play more and I promise you I take that motto to heart every time you come around.
   It must be hard being everybody's favorite, I mean are all the other days of the week mean to you? When they can't beat you or join you the next thing they do is try to bring you down. Don't let them get to you because trust me they got nothing. Mondays almost always involve early mornings full of work and homework. Tuesdays are one day closer to you but still far away with very few drink specials. Then there are Wednesdays which are the halfway point, other then that they really have nothing going for them. Now Thursdays would be the only possibly day that could give you some competition. Thirsty Thursdays are starting to steal some of your shine, they come earlier then you do and in some situations that is a benefit. But don't you worry you will always be number one. But you want to know a good way for you to be even better?! You need to adopt Thursday and make it the start of you because together you guys would make the world a better place.
Think about it,
AFon

Dear Internet/Texting language

Dear Internet/Texting language,
    You might be singlehandedly ruining the English language. Ok, I can not place all the blame on you but I have to tell you that you're not helping us out any. I am a social network whore and I am pretty sure that without auto correct to check my spelling sometimes I wonder if I would be able to spell?Gasp! I don't want to say it's laziness but I am leaning towards that as the culprit. I don't think changing the spelling of words on purpose helps any either, Chingy please stop spelling there thurr it was ok back in the day but now I'm starting to wonder if you know how to spell. It is getting to the point where sometimes it takes me five times re-reading something to decipher it, which is bad when English is my first and only language.
   Another issue I wanted to bring up is the shorthand, I'm talking about the lol's and the lmao's. Where are these shorthands coming from because I'm totally out of the loop on some of these. I had to ask two of my friends then consult the all knowing internet to figure out what smh meant because I saw it used 20 times a day on Twitter and Facebook. Both of the people I asked had no idea what it stood for either. Thank you for letting me know your head is shaking because that changes everything and it makes me understand your comment so much better. Can there be some limits to this craziness because I have a feeling ill need NetLingo to make an app for my phone so I can decipher what people are trying to tell me. I want you to know I don't think your mission was change the path of the English language but it is not a good sign when people use lol when they are talking in person. Thats sooo weird and in a way creepy because that means you are communicating by texting or the internet more often then you are talking to real live actual people. I don't think any of this is news to you so consider this letter just a little note pointing out some issues that could be problems in the future.
TAIHTTYRN,
(That's All I Have To Tell You Right Now)
AFon

Dear M. Night Shyamalan

Dear M. Night Shyamalan,
    Where to begin.......I don't know how to say this delicately but I have a little problem with some of your movies. I feel as if your previews are always setting me up for disappointment that will likely be followed by anger. After watching your movies I feel deceived by the preview because the movie is always about something totally different and not in a good way. Yes movies should have twists but they shouldn't be stupid ones. Let's discuss your preview for DEVIL which looked scary yet interesting, the preview alone made me want to see it but something stopped me. You want to know what stopped me from wanting going to see DEVIL? The fact you always put your name in front of every one of your freaking previews! You want people to see your movies DO NOT advertise that the movie is by you. People will unknowingly fall for your previews because they always look good and then they'll actually see the movie because they won't know until after it that it was by you. I suggest you move the posting of your name from the beginning of previews to the end of your movies then by the time people realize you tricked them again they already paid the ten dollars to see it so you win. 
   I am just saying the the formula that worked so well for you on The Sixth Sense, where we got a movie changing shock at the end, does not always work. It only works it the shock makes sense, the end to The Village made me want to ask for my money back because it was stupid. I actually think it belongs on the list of top ten worst movie endings. Ever since The Village I can't bring myself to see one of your movies because I just know at the end something really dumb is going to happen like I'm sure DEVIL ends with the characters out having a drink because they really shooting a Halloween commercial for a theme park or something ridiculous like that. You want to really shock everybody have the end of your next movie just end logically, now that will totally throw people off. But on a happy note The Sixth Sense is an amazing movie!
Someday i'll give you another chance until then,
AFon

Dear Henry Morgan

Dear Henry Morgan aka Captain Morgan,
  Hey friend! I would ask how your doing but I know you're off somewhere cool just being awesome. I've always wondered what awesome people do when their not being awesome? Then I realized awesome people are even awesome when their sleeping so that never happens! Silly me. I miss you, I wish we could hang out more but you know how things go. I am still waiting for a special occasion to wear the best t-shirt-ever-made you gave me in Vegas. I want to save it for a day when me and you can put in some good quality one on one time. I really have missed you lately no joke, with my recent decrease in cash flow I have to save you for special occasions. I miss our long nights hitting the dance floor and me bending my back low. Then the after-parties where you kept us going until the sun came up and sometimes even after that. Do you remember that one night at that place?! Good because neither do I, oh those were the good ole days. Please forgive me for momentarily replacing you with Burnett's spiced rum I had to do it. I felt so guilty buying it, I lost a little bit of the pirate in me that day. The main point of me writing this was to apologize to you then I remembered all those nights when you sucker punched me and I woke up in pain. So when you factor that in I think we are even. Hope you having fun spreading the Captain lifestyle everywhere you go making friends and making it happen. I will see you soon I promise, Halloween is just around the corner and I'll give you one try to guess what I'm going as this year :)
Striking the pose just for you,
AFon

Dear Radio Stations

Dear Radio Stations,
   Music is one of my favorite things in the entire world. I don't think a day goes by without me listening to music in some form. If I don't listen to my Ipod then I listen to cds or I watch performances on Youtube and sometimes when I absolutely have too I listen to you. It's not that I don't like you it's just that I don't like you that much. Your awesome because you have concerts and giveaways which are never bad things, it's just you can kill a song. Not just kill a song you can murder it to the point where I cringe when I hear it. I don't know how you guys go about picking the songs you play throughout the day but since there are millions of songs out there can't you limit the times a song is played each day? There is no good reason to play the same ten songs every hour on the hour. I am only in my car maybe a total of 20 minutes a day broken up over two rides and somehow I can easily predict the songs that are going to play on my little drive. Over the last month every time I get in the car I hear Eminem & Rhianna Love the way you Lie, OneRepublic Secrets, Katy Perry Teenage Dream, Bruno Mars Just the way you are, or Paramore Only Exception. I am not writing you this letter because I don't like these songs I am writing it because I do like them. I want to keep liking them so I am requesting you to cut back just a little bit on overplaying them. No song should be played more than 20 times in a 24 hour period, make that a rule you live by and I think we will get along just fine.
Laters,
AFon

Dear College Textbooks

Dear College Textbooks,
   I have gotten to know you pretty well with me being a professional student and all but I still do not understand the little system you have going on. I agree you are a much needed asset in learning when the teacher actually uses you so I am not doubting you relevance. I am questioning why in the world I should pay hundreds of dollars of my future money on you? Don't say oh I can sell you back at the end of the semester when you know that I will be lucky to get back 10% of what I paid for you. Doesn't make any gosh darn sense, I wouldn't complain if I could get back half of what I paid or if I didn't know that somebody else is going to make more money off of selling the book I just got 5 dollars for. There should be more than a ten dollar difference between a used book and the new one. You don't see Goodwill trying to charge a dollar less then what the clothes cost new or used car places charging a hundred dollars less then the new dealerships charge do you? No because that would be dumb. And do you really need to come with so many freaking new editions? I am pretty sure if I compared your first edition to the twentieth the only difference would be a few sentences. Help a student out, do not make a new edition unless you are adding a substantial amount of information that has to be known and it better be equal to a minimum of 30 new pages. Textbook authors I know you need to make a profit for all your hard research and work but lets be honest you know your overcharging. You know there is no reason to release a new edition every year except for you to charge more. So textbooks please think of the poor students who might not get jobs when they graduate next time you want to release a new edition that is all I ask. :)
Thanks buddy,
AFon

......Some friends you might recognize! I am pretty sure I won't want or need these ever again unless I get a sudden urge to do some statistics for fun. We all know that is never going to happen.

Dear American Idol

Dear American Idol,

    I see you are making some big changes for next season which are very much needed. Last season was pretty unexciting and a continued step down the hill you've been walking on ever since season one. Season one was the best season because the contestants sang. They sang without all the gimmicky montages or celebrity mentors that really don't do much. I can honestly say that season one is the only season I ever voted on, my sisters and I actually recorded every episode on videotape. Well I voted until Tamyra Grey got kicked off but looking back that New Attitude performance would be hard for anybody to recover from.
    For the past  8 seasons I have DVR'ed most episodes but have ended up fast forwarding through most of the show because it wasn't good. This year I am giving you another chance because I want to believe you can be better than you have been, I have faith in you. Just please do not spend 100% of the auditions telling sob stories and showcasing nutjobs. We want to hear good singers! Use the rule of quarters this season 25% sob stories where the singers are good, 25% sob stories where the singers are bad, 25% of the delusional crazies, and 25%  should just be the singers that don't really have sob stories so we don't see them but they make it to Hollywood. Next I am begging you cut back on the creepy Ford and Coca-Cola sing a longs they are weird. Also the groups performances on the results show should only be allowed if their singing live otherwise they are unnecessary.
   I promise I will watch this season with an open mind but there is only so much terribleness a girl can take so you better come back right. Make sure your new judges keep it real and don't come with the sugarcoated judging Paula was prone too. The whole reason the show worked so well was because Simon never failed to produce hilarious one liners. Thats why I will miss Simon, he had good taste and only liked the performances that were actually good.
See you later,
AFon
I had to pay tribute to some of the good advice Simon gave out, I don't know how this season will be without him :(

Dear Old Guys at bars

Dear Old Guys at Bars,

I get that you might be lonely or bored or whatever so I don't want to discourage you from being social but I do have some concerns. Well not concerns, more like a few suggestions. One would be that girl who is the same age as your daughter will never in her life hook up with you and if she does it is only because she has daddy issues which will require you to pay for all her bills then when she is out of debt she will . I know Hugh Hefner has given you hope that young girls can really fall in love with super old dudes but you need to realize he is the exception. The rule is young girls do not and will not go home with you. They will take the free drinks you offer and maybe a little conversation but aside from that you should expect nothing else. Realize after you buy a drink you can talk for a little bit then you should leave unless invited to stay. I'm not being mean but do not think rubbing on a girls shoulder or continuing to keep the free drinks coming will increase you chances. There is not enough alcohol in the world for me to go home with somebody with a cane. Hugh Hefner has huge amounts of money and throws amazing parties, still I cringe at the thought of hooking up with him. All those girls saying they seriously want to marry him are delusional and oppurtunists. So old guys at bars please know what boundaries are and please add ten years to your youngest daughters age before even thinking about trying to hit on anyone because thats just not right.
Later,
AFon

Dear Snuggie

Dear Snuggie,
    First off let me just say I am a fan and also a proud owner. I will admit in the beginning I was skeptical mostly because in the commercial when the old guy is freezing on the bleachers while everyone else is nice and warm doing the wave in their snuggies. Everyone is just rubbing their warmth in the poor guys face, good thing it was sunny out or he probably would've gotten hypothermia. Anyway after I saw how much my sister, friends, and dog enjoyed their snuggies I knew I had to get one. Now I take my zebra print snuggie everywhere I go, from Indiana to Vegas to Georgia with my hands free the whole time.
   Now Snuggie or blanket with sleeves whatever you want to be called. I like Snuggie better personally but I get you need to change it up every now and then. I get you need to grow hence the new commercials and designs. Your going to have everyone singing "Get on your snug-gieee" and doing the Snugarena. I support your growth but I want it to be positive so I wanted to make some minor suggestions. Camo Snuggie is just not flattering or good for people who get lost while camping. Also the outdoor and sherpa snuggies are not going to work, I mean you already dominate the blanket market but I don't see you eliminating this other little invention called a jacket.
   I hope you think about my suggestions and keep up the good work. I already am planning on getting a designer Snuggie in tie-dye so I can rotate. I also need to say thanks for being there when I was cold and needed to have my hands free to read or do homework or hold my beer I really do appreciate it.
P.S. Have you thought about doing a beer bottle Snuggie? Now that is innovation I can support.
Oh and Snuggie......

Dear Blu-ray's

Dear Blu-ray's,
       I personally own over 50 of your older brother which some people like to refer to as DVDs. Dvds work well for me because there is no rewinding and they take up less space. These are the main reasons why when dvds sent videotapes to the graveyard I didn't put up too much of a fight. Even though my former collection of videotapes was pretty impressive if I do say so myself.
    This letter is to ask you how long you are going to be around. I don't mean to be rude or try to push you off your newly acquired throne but I hate to invest in anything thats not going to last. You seem to be the next step in the continual progression of home entertainment. I was born in the 80's so I once went to videotapes and VCR's for my home viewing pleasure, now with that extinct I question if I should continue buying DVD's or start the slow "upgrade" to you if that is where I am going to be forced to go. I mean if DVD players are going to be around for say another 50 years then that would be good enough for me but if they are going to start disappearing I would like to know now so that I can stop buying them. I know you probably think your going to be around forever but lets be honest your going to be obsolete someday too. A win-win situation for me would be if both you and DVD's were the only ones out there to choose from because then I won't have to worry about the day coming when I can't watch my seasons of Grey's Anatomy anymore because I can't buy a DVD player.
   I was just wanting to see if you knew about any future competition that I should be worried about. For now I'm going to stick with DVD's no offense to you but I am not sold on you yet. Yes, you are super clear but other than that what else do you have going for you, seems to me your just a DVD with a few accessories. But if you stop trying to take over and push your brother into extinction then I could learn to like you one day.
Me and my DVD collection thank you!